When you strip away the complex interpersonal dynamics, controlling behavior almost always traces back to two primal instincts: securing survival resources and stabilizing a fragile ego. Let’s break down the science of why people control:
1. Control for Resources
At an evolutionary level, controlling a partner’s environment, finances, or relationships (such as economic or isolating control) is an attempt to ensure survival resources won’t be depleted (Cousins et al., 2015).
A.Scarcity and Anxiety: Humans have a deep-rooted reluctance to accept randomness; we naturally desire to predict and influence our surroundings to ease the psychological discomfort of the unknown (Hoogeveen et al., 2018).
B.Predictability: The unknown is incredibly resource-intensive to navigate. By forcing a situation to be predictable, a controlling individual artificially reduces the cognitive and emotional load of adapting to new threats.
2. Control for the “Feel of Power“
This is where behavior shifts from practical utility to psychological compensation. The intense need to feel powerful over others is almost universally a defense mechanism against an underlying sense of vulnerability or inner chaos.
A.Ego Stabilization: According to Compensatory Control Theory, when individuals experience a threat to their personal sense of agency, they often overcompensate by dominating their environment to reestablish a foundational belief in structure and order (Gibbs et al., 2022).
B.The Illusion of Invulnerability: In certain personality dynamics, the power isn’t about achieving a practical goal. The act of subjugating another’s will is the goal itself—acting as an anesthetic against feelings of shame or insignificance.
The Feedback Loop
In reality, these two drivers rarely exist in isolation. A perceived threat to a person’s resources triggers intense feelings of powerlessness. To neutralize that anxiety, they exert rigid control over others to artificially restore their “feel of power.”
Understanding these roots doesn’t excuse toxic behavior, but it reveals it for exactly what it is: a fear-driven reaction masquerading as strength.
References
Cousins, A. J., Fugère, M. A., & Riggs, M. L. (2015). Resistance to Mate Guarding Scale in Women: Psychometric Properties. Evolutionary Psychology, 13, 106–128. https://doi.org/10.1177/147470491501300107
Gibbs, W. C., Kim, H. S., Kay, A. C., & Sherman, D. K. (2022). Who needs control? A cultural perspective on the process of compensatory control. Social and Personality Psychology Compass, 17. https://doi.org/10.1111/spc3.12722
Hoogeveen, S., Wagenmakers, E.-J., Kay, A. C., & Van Elk, M. (2018). Compensatory control and religious beliefs: a registered replication report across two countries. Comprehensive Results in Social Psychology, 3, 240–265. https://doi.org/10.1080/23743603.2019.1684821
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